Handling Elderly Parents

Have you ever heard that once you've turned old you're actually starting over your life phase, again as a kid?

My aunt (66), her husband (66),
and her mother-in-law (95)

   Since I'm currently living at my aunt's home, I've started to experience things her family is facing. That's the reality I can't resist; I have to involve myself. And honestly, even though sometimes I feel like "he*k, this family is a complete opposite to mine!", I do learn a lot of things  here, including about "parenthood". 

    So, my aunt and her husband are currently taking over the biggest responsibility in their own nuclear families. Means, both of them are kindheartedly taking care of their remaining parents at home; their mothers (~thus one of them is my grandmother from my father's side). "Huh, what is so special about son/daughter taking care of their own parents ?", probably you would ask that. My answer would be, "Very special".  

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    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, "Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother", (Ahmad, Nasai). Even though some people believe that it's a false hadith, the point is not false at all: We must respect and treasure our mother, our father; the parents. It seems like a common sense that everybody knows. Yep, theoretically. But when it comes to a practical matter, it can be conflicting. Why? It goes back to my first centered sentence above, because elder people face a repetition stage of their lives; they become kids again. And we are all agree that kids can be very HARD to handle :). Okay, imagine you have two elders at home, each one has her own unique personality, ego, and over-sensitivity, each one has a different history-family backgrounds, each one has different things going on her head, and each one has her distinct senility. That's why I think a son or daughter who can endure and being patient to his/her parents' fragilities is AWESOME. Double AWESOME for a son-in-law or daughter-in-law who kindheartedly handles his/her in-law.

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     I'll give you a real situations I'm seeing everyday at my aunt's home and you can decide whether taking care of elders is easy or not:

Have you ever met a grandmother who still taking BEAUTY into account? Have you ever met a grandmother who keeps lamenting about her diminished eyesight or digestive system instead of accepting it as a natural aging stage of life? Have you ever met a grandmother who still EAGER to TRAVEL here and there despite her old age? Have you ever met a grandmother who curse "babi" or "mati kau" to her caretaker and made her caretaker got a trance and fainted? 

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    One of the most important things that I learned from my aunt and her husband is the way to make parents HAPPY and SATISFIED with their lives. It's not related to money, social status, and such, but HAPPY and SATISFIED inside. Simple things as talking to the parents regularly, asking their conditions, listening to their laments, letting them do what they want, respecting their decision and choice, or giving them a small-sweet presents. These kind of things are more effective than else. Aside from that, when it comes to parents care-taking, "patience is a virtue".

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     Another thing that my aunt taught me is taking care of parents is full of Allah's BLESS.

Banyak keberkahan bagi seorang anak yang berbesar hati mengurus orang tuanya. Dan merugi sekali bagi anak-anak yang tidak memiliki konsep ini dan malah melempar-lempar tanggung jawab mengurus orang tua mereka ke adik/kakaknya (*maksudnya, seharusnya anak-anak saling berlomba-lomba untuk mengurus orang tua mereka), ke caretaker, atau bahkan ke panti jompo. Bayangkan hancurnya hati orang tua jika anak yang telah dilahirkan dan dibesarkan dengan penuh cinta tidak rela menemani dan mengurusnya di masa tuanya dengan alasan ORANG TUA ITU...MEREPOTKAN.