A week ago, one of my friends Whatsapp-ed me to vent her current state of 'anxiety'. For a normal Indonesian bachelorette who is in their late 20s of age, the anxiety only means one matter; MARRIAGE :). Yep, that typical anxiety-slash-galau is beyond normal to be described as N.O.R.M.A.L.
As for akhwat tarbiyah, the anxiety can be particularly categorized as follows :
- Being a 'mujahidah' just like Khadijah r.a or keeps waiting a-hurrah-news from the murabbi
- Pestering the relatives or other ikhwah to find your Mr. Right
- Tying a knot to ikhwan from another harakah or marrying non-ikhwah who made a move on the akhwat
Let's get back to my friend's story. She told me that a Salafi was ready to make a speedy move on her, thus she was kind of flustered to make a right decision. IMHO, "right decision" can be completely mixed up with the longing of a marriage, a rush to do that before you're turning 30, or a pressure from external factors (~such as parents or society). When you're almost 30, you've gone through a countless failed ta'aruf, and finally gets tired waiting ikhwan tarbiyah to propose and marry you...a Salafi can finally be seen as "well, not bad". It's rather complicated, isn't it?
Honestly speaking, I've read SO MANY articles regarding to category number 3, -nikah beda harakah. At first, I thought, "I'm definitely not going to do that", for the very basic reason of "the marriage visions of two parties are different and these visions are going to be tug-of-warred a.k.a hard to be compromised". Moreover, akhwat is most likely to be at a loss and finally dragged to her husband's 'direction' if that 'nikah beda harakah' is finally happened. That WAS what I thought. But REALISTICALLY SPEAKING, the number of ikhwans tarbiyah are LESS than the akhwats. Hence, the way out is either to make the ikhwans to do the polygamy or the akhwats can just elatedly conducting category number 3 (if category number 1 and 2 seem hard to be accomplished)***. Another thing is, the akhwats' murabbis' actions to fulfill their amanah in their mutarabbis' marriage matters are completely depend on them. Some of them taking it very seriously and some just don't. #kayaknyaproposalnikahsayaudahsampaijadikitabkuningsakinglamanyagadiproses
***Another long-term way out is to intensify kaderisasi of ikhwans tarbiyah, thus the number of them can be jacked up and finally akhwats tarbiyah can get their rights to marry ikhwans tarbiyah. Hello, kaderisasi staff...please have this matter noted!
-----As for me, although I completely understand that my true mate is mysteriously in Allah's hands, I guess now I'm going to live in reality and grab the chances that Allah hints me. Moreover, I'm not going to count on ONLY to murabbi...well, I've gotta be more active :D. One of my married friends told me that I have to broaden my silaturrahim coverages to increase my "chance" to get a husband #haha~! roger that XD!. All in all, I will always pray that Allah is going to bless every single step and decision I make. The same solemn prayer goes to my friend :)