Well, after read an article found by Sunett here, i guess now i have to correct my rather-rushed saying below* :
"I knew that you are able to taking care of your own problems". "I also knew that you are very religious" (* WHATTTT ???? ~~~~~> it's not even correlated, Sir*) . "As long as i still can see you hang in there and alive...i feel relieved."
It's correlated, conversely. I really am in PAIN (*Having him as my adviser...painful. Having this kinda environment during my study...painful. Not having my family around...painful). But, yeah, "i have a religion...to help me cope with anything".
"Religion-associated pain resistance is linked to the activation of the brain right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex (VLPFC), an area associated with both cognitive down-regulation of pain and reassessment of the emotional meaning of an experience – for example by giving a neutral or even positive meaning to a noxious experience, and so making it much easier to cope with."
See ? So, by accident, my adviser's saying was correct. But now i am wondering why most of people see me as a happy-go-lucky girl. Suddenly i feel that this Happy Go Lucky song lyrics fits me :
The world only sees me smiling
My pillow knows the truth at night
'Cause that's where I hide my sorrow
And they call me happy go lucky
They don't know my heart is dying inside
A smiles a frown turned upside down
I do my happy go lucky so well
I'm even fooling myself
Errrr...except on the part "I'm even fooling myself". Hehehe. I think i'm clear enough about my limits. I'll cry whenever i feel sad...I'll sigh whenever i feel burdened...I'll mad whenever something upsets me...and so on. But i also realize that the new me is (more) lonesome (-in a positive way...i guess:)). Having been a lone ranger, i knew the importance of survival.