Forgiving

Source : http://tinyurl.com/72eo869

Seriously, what happened to me these past few months? I feel like I have been REBORN!

I understand myself extremely well than else, and I know that I have a horrible trait. Vengeful. This bad tone of me can be severe, according to the situation I'm facing. But because I'm basically not a temperamental person, when I'm hating someone, I never express it through rage or violence. I just simply bury my hatred inside my heart or sometimes kind of snap my feelings out through my sharp tongue *_*. That's why sometimes I find myself feeling frustrated over things I've been burying in or guilty over words coming out from my mouth.

I know that I'm a melancholy by nature that seeks perfection, sensitive, secretive, shy, and thoughtful. But I also realized that I have a phlegmatic trait, such as sympathetic, understanding, dan easy going. I just previously felt that my melancholy trait was dominating towards the phlegmatic. Thus, I could be easily hurt by else's attitudes and emphasized prejudices. But this past two months, I really felt like these two traits domination has reversed. Don't get me wrong, but I'm not the one who felt so. My close friends were thinking the same. They said that I've changed; in a good way.


Honestly, I even astonished with my very own change-over. Started from my action that simply forgave other who consciously came late to the appointment; epic dazing. Re-joining the mailing-list I'd unsubscribed (*the reason why I unsubscribed was too hilarious); stupidly awesome. Seeing me doing this approval*** action against the person that made me unsubscribed from the mailing-list (*ooops XD)...was ridiculously amazing. Catching a glimpse of myself on the mirror when I was sobbing while reciting Qur'an...was even more bewildering. Well, I guess I have to get ready for even bigger SURPRISES from myself.

***

Thank you Allah for softening my heart. Thank you Allah for giving me a chance to be a better human being. Thank you, Allah...^^

Self-Sacrificing

Source : http://tinyurl.com/6tdnc3g

For the ones who knew me quite a while or even for a long period of time, they will know that I have a self-sacrificing trait. One of the simplest example of how self-sacrificing I am is THIS EMPTY BLOG XD.

Sad...so sad. I feel like losing half part of myself. Regardless how amateur the quality of this blog posts are, I still feel like losing it during my absence. But yeah...shikatanai yo ne~. Sometimes, we don't have another option aside from spare things we love to do for the sake of other bigger thing. 

So well, here I am. Ready to make up everything for my deserted blog. For whose sake? Mine :). Why? Because I need to keep sane; mentally sound. Haha~

My Greatest Enemy Is Myself

Source : http://tinyurl.com/7aqejjb

Wow, it's been ages since I'm blogging XD. Where I've been? (*it sounds extremely WEIRD to ask that sort of question to your-very-self, trust me :p).

Let's light up this long gone blogging spirit with something as serious as this post title. Recently, I'm kind of realized that "I'm A SCARY girl", literally. "Scary" here doesn't have to do with personality, though. I found myself "scary" because I just realized that I have a humongous hidden weakness that I always boasted to others as my strong point. Confused? Same here XD. Well, "that" thing is no other than my inability to motivate myself. True. How come I lived with that false feelings this whole 27 years? I think the answer is because I NEVER really faced an entangled problem just like NOW.


Before I headed to Taiwan for my study, I always lived with my family. It was kind of usual for me to go in between cities or islands by myself to visit some relatives, but still...home and the people inside it were always become my "sanctuary". I'm especially have a very good relationship with my father. Hence, no matter how hard things or problems slammed me, I could rely on him every time. I always counted on him to cheer, motivate, and boost the-collapsed-me. In the end, I never really tried to do a so-called "self-motivating". 


So, here I am. Still testing and struggling how to successfully motivate myself while encountering a crisis, -in wrapping up my study to be exact. Will I succeed? Let's wait and see.